Archive for December, 2010
I had a great conversation with a friend on the weekend about happiness, and how people misunderstand it. It got me thinking, maybe people are interested in knowing A) what happiness actually means and B) how “happy” people handle the rougher times.
1. Happiness Defined.
There is a myth that being happy means you always feel good. This is not true AND it is causing people who could easily “be happy” to think they need something more. It makes you think that you are supposed to be 100% elated 100% of the time, and there is something wrong with you that must be fixed if you aren’t. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. As stated in my book, “The Now of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula“
“[Understand] that being happy doesn’t mean you are never afraid, or angry or frustrated. It doesn’t mean that you slap a happy face on life, like a happy-face Band-Aid over top of an open wound.
Being happy means you are resilient and trust that no matter what, you’ll be okay. Happy is feeling joy, no matter what is going on around you, and being grateful for what you do have, through the anger, frustration and tears.”
I am happy. That doesn’t mean I don’t cry, or yell, or swear. I do, I’m not perfect. However, I am not an “angry, fearful, frustrated person.” There is a HUGE difference.
2. I think that the main way “happy” people handle feeling is demonstrated perfectly by this quote:
“When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead…True Story.” Barney Stinson
First of all, noticing that something is off puts you ahead of the average person. Most don’t realize they’re NOT happy until the anger or tears start flowing. With happy people, they are more intuitive to how they feel and they notice small changes faster which usually leads them to…
3. Own it and get over it.
When I am frustrated, I recognize that it is what it is. I don’t apply any judgment to it; I don’t say, “Kim you are a BAD person because you’re frustrated.” Instead I say, “Hey Kim, you’re frustrated, and it’s okay….
4. This too shall Pass.”
Yep. Whenever I notice something that bugs me, I feel it, own it and remember that nothing is permanent. That makes me feel better. When I look back, I see that even in the depths of depression, I eventually got myself help (and got over it.) Every emotion has a cycle, if you don’t fight it, it will complete itself.
5. If all else fails, and you just can’t tolerate the “unhappiness”…seek happiness. Have a happiness toolkit of mp3s, videos, websites or books that you can go to that make you laugh. Laughter is a great happiness tool.
It’s not that happy people are superhuman, or out of touch with reality, it’s that they’re very intouch with their reality. Now that you know the truth about happy people, I bet that you will find you’re actually happier than you think.
©2010 Kimberly Englot
Interested in using this in your eZine or on your blog? No problem! Just make sure you enclose the following blurb and do not change the article in any way.
©2010 Kimberly Englot. Kimberly Englot is the founder of The Center for Authentic Self Development, author of “The Now of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula” and facilitator of the Happiness Movement. She is dedicated to increasing the health, wealth and happiness of 10 000 people in 2011. If you want to be one of them, make sure you sign up for the Free Happiness Movement at http://thenowofhappiness.com.
You are carrying around a dead, stinky SKUNK. Everywhere you go, it’s with you. You really like to make it the center piece at all of the beautiful and elegant parties you’re invited to. Yep, you love that skunk.
And by dead, stinky skunk I’m talking about the past story you have in your head about why things never work out.
Everything you say, “I NEVER have enough money.” I call “Skunk.”
Whenever you say, “I knew it wouldn’t turn out. “ Skunk
“I can’t….” SKUNK!
Stop hauling that skunk around. Stop acting like you love it. Stop pretending that you don’t smell it!
It’s time to lay that skunk to rest. Put it in a grave. Bless it. Wish it the best in the ever-after. Don’t pretend that you never had a skunk, that would be silly, as you’ve been carrying it around with you for the last 20 years.
But leave the skunk behind so that it doesn’t disturb the pretty great party you’re at right now called Your Life!
Bye Skunk, I can’t say I’ll miss you.
No skunks where harmed. I actually think they’re kinda cute…from a distance.
©2010 Kimberly Englot
If you want more ways to Dump The Junk (and the Skunk), make sure you sign up for the free audiobook preview of my book, “The Now of Happiness.” It’s full of excellent “Skunk Dumping” tools!
It’s time to strengthen your awareness (aka: the ability to know where the answers are coming from; the Ego or the Authentic Self). This exercise will be perfect practice for you to tune into your authentic self and get ready to start uncovering the layers of Junk covering it up. Several times a year, come back and do this again to see how much stronger your intuition is.
Ask yourself a few questions to get started:
- What do I want in life?
- What is my passion?
- What am I willing to do to get what I want?
- What am I NOT willing to do to get what I want?
- What has been holding me back?
- What do I view as my purpose in life?
The more of these kinds of questions you ask, the closer you get to your authentic self. Good questions will give you the clarity that is necessary for you to determine whether your resistance to change/opportunity is coming from irrational fear (fake fear or the ego saying, “I’m uncomfortable”) or rational fear (danger awareness which is your intuition saying, “This is a BAD idea”).
As you answer the above questions and when you read them over, you can further strengthen your intuition by considering the following:
- Be aware of your emotions.
Did you all-of-a-sudden feel a surge of anger? Where did that come from? Is there something making you stressed or on edge? What?
Don’t spend days dwelling on any uncomfortable feelings, but spend 10 minutes journalling on any strong emotions that come up to expose them to your conscious mind.
- Be aware of your body.
Were you relaxed a few moments ago and now you’re tense and gritting your teeth? Do you notice any chronic aches or pains that come up with you deal with certain situations in your life, or hang around certain kinds of people? Your physical reactions will always guide you to what is really going on, assuming you take the time to notice. Often people don’t realize they have stopped breathing or have tensed up until they gasp for air or get a headache. Don’t let it get that far any more.
- Be aware of your instincts.
The stomach is the center of everything; people can literally feel in their gut when something isn’t right. Listen to that feeling because your intuition picks up these “shifty vibes.” Your solar plexus chakra is in your gut and it picks up energy surrounding you. Listen to your vibes.
If there are times when you walk into a room and can’t wait to leave (for no rational reason) or when you meet someone who immediately sends off red flags, it’s your instincts making themselves known. Often, instead of listening to these intuitive nudges, we discount them as being “prejudiced” or “mean”.
©2010 Kimberly Englot
Feel free to use this article on your blog, in your eZine or Magazine just make sure you include the following blurb in entirety:
©2010 All right reserved. Kimberly Englot is the founder and CEO of The Center for Authentic Self Development and the facilitator of the 2011 Happiness Movement. You can get a free audiobook preview of her book, “The Now Of Happiness: Your Official Happiness Formula” (2011) by visiting http://thenowofhappiness.com.
Working a minimum of 40 hours a week at a job you can’t stand makes life miserable. And yet, you can’t quit…not when there are so many others are without work. So you must make the best of the situation you’re in.
- Go to bed happy.
When you go to bed happy, you wake up happy. When you wake up happy, you set the tone for the day. Do what you can to go to bed happy. Start with a nightly Gratitude Guide. List 10 things that you are grateful for. Do this religiously and watch your perspective transform over time.
- View it as a calling, not a job.
People are a happiest when they feel their work is important and makes a contribution to the world. They feel stimulated and excited. They believe in what they do, and you hear them say things like, “I would do this job for free!” ANYONE can view their job as a calling. Statistics show that about 30% of people in ANY profession see their job as a calling. Name 5 things that make your job important. How does your job contribute to the world.
- “Job Craft”
People who love their jobs make the effort to go above and beyond the requirements. They take initiative, help coworkers and try to do their jobs as efficient as possible. They make small changes in the work environment to bring their work in line with a larger vision of what they value in life. Small acts make the job more meaningful and fun. Name 3 things you can do to make your job more aligned with your life vision? How can you make it meaningful to you?
©2010 Kimberly Englot
10 000 People to Feel Good Now
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“Why life sucks for you right now
and what to do about it.”
2011 c Kimberly Englot. All Rights Reserved.
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This is a blog that I wrote for the Authentic Self site. I think you should have a copy of it too because I’m such a book lover!
As 2010 reaches the beginning of the end (can you believe it?) I am thinking about my Top 10′s! This week I decided to share with you my Top 10 Books of the year.
I will likely do lists for Top 10 Books of the Decade, Top 10 Quotes of 2010, and Top 10 Favorite People too, so look for those through this month.
In no particular order, here are the best books that I’ve read in 2010…
- Trust Your Vibes: Secret tools for six-sensory living, Sonia Choquette
FANTASTIC resource for discovering your authentic self and your intuition. This book made me comfortable with reaching out to my own spirit guides and trusting in a higher source of guidance.
- Be Happy: Release the power of happiness within you, Robert Holden
I’m currently reading it and finding it slow going because I have to keep stopping to write out quotes and passages! It’s a very “common” sense approach to a topic that many have written about (including myself).
- Excuses Begone: How to change life-long, self-defeating habits, Dr. Wayne Dyer
If you find yourself stuck and aren’t sure what to do, Get This Book! This book will force you to get real and get back into your life. Take a No Excuses Approach to 2011…it’s your life!
- The Joy Diet: Ten practices for a happier life, Martha Beck
Always necessary in any personal development library, Martha Beck is no-nonsense, sarcastic and funny! I love her. This is NOT a diet book in the traditional sense. It’s 10 steps to living a happier life. (I love the step that involves “treats.”)
- Steering by Starlight: Finding your right life, not matter what, Martha Beck
Oh, Martha, how I love you! This is another amazing book. She gives you the courage (and a plan) to leave behind all the Junk that isn’t working and start living a happier, healthier life.
Read the rest: Click HERE
This is a new (but old) favorite of mine. The lyrics are so perfect for those days when you feel like nothing else could go wrong!
(Warning: It’s “country.” I personally love country music, but that is a product of my upbringing, and being a liberal music lover.)
You can listen to it HERE.
Don’t Worry About a Thing by SheDaisy
Ever been misunderstood, misused, or misled
Ever knocked on the sky and had it fall on your head
well, don’t worry ’bout it,
Ever lost your luggage, your marbles, your house
Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Mickey Mouse
Ever been accused of murder on Music Row
Or caught in morning traffic when you really gotta go – Oh no!
Life is funny, life’s a mess
Sometimes a curse,
sometimes a blessing
Don’t worry ’bout a thing,
don’t worry ’bout it
Life gets sticky, life can bruise
Sometimes you win
sometimes your losing
Don’t matter what it brings
Don’t worry ’bout a thing
Ever sat yourself down when the seat is all wet
Or see your “ex” sucking face with a little brunette
Don’t worry ’bout it,
no don’t worry
Ever lost your religion,
ever lost your best friend
Or found your last record in the bargain bin
Or been stuck in a divorce like crazy glue
Or scraped someone else’s gum off the bottom of your shoe – Boo hoo!
We all got a little junk in the trunk
And when you’re feelin’ good as sunk
Remember, everything will be just fine
If I laugh at yours then you’ll laugh at mine
Life gets sticky,
life can bruise
Sometimes you win
sometimes your losing
No matter what it brings
Don’t worry ’bout a thing